Many people often spend more time with their coworkers than with their families and know their colleagues better than their neighbors. Nothing can spoil the joy of work more than people you just can’t get along with. Naysayers, notorious complainers, paralyzing skeptics, and a bad atmosphere in the team affect not only your mood but also your productivity.
It’s almost impossible to avoid having difficult people as part of your daily work life. Every now and then, conflicts are acceptable, competition is normal, and friction is inevitable. Sometimes, however, they test your patience. Most of the time, you don’t have the option of choosing your coworkers. Once a dispute has arisen, you inevitably face the challenge of finding a way to get along again. After all, on the factory floor or in the office, employees usually can’t—or can only with great difficulty—avoid each other. At some point, you’re bound to have to work together again. The only solution is a clarifying conversation.
Allowing for Different Perspectives
Conflicts are usually based on differing interests, ideas, or opinions that—whether seemingly or actually—cannot be reconciled. There is generally no objective “right” or “wrong,” but rather different perspectives on an issue. That’s why a conflict discussion isn’t about being right, but about moving forward together. Realizing this is the first step toward a solution.
Active Listening
In a conflict discussion, the first step is to calmly listen to the other person’s position and try to understand it. This builds trust and helps in finding a mutual solution. The core of such active listening is to repeat what you’ve heard in your own words: “I understand that…” This helps avoid misunderstandings. Eye contact is also helpful: Looking at the person speaking emphasizes that you’re listening attentively.
Avoid “killer phrases”
Phrases like generalizations, blame, “you” messages, and insisting on being right are toxic in a conflict discussion. Statements such as, “You always do that—it’s so typical of you!” or “You’re wrong about that!” are of little help. The same goes for killer arguments like, “That can’t be changed—we’ve always done it this way.” It’s also best to avoid irony and sarcasm.
Use “I” messages
Instead, especially in conflict discussions, it’s important to describe your own interests, ideas, opinions, and feelings using “I” statements, without making accusations against the other person or sending hidden “you” messages. This isn’t always easy, but it’s something you can practice. For example, the sentence “I think you’re unreliable” is not yet an ‘I’ message. A better approach would be: “It bothers me when agreements aren’t followed through on. I’d like for us to work together to make improvements here.”
Asking Questions
Many conflicts escalate because the people arguing start by bombarding each other with statements like this: “You talk way too loudly on the phone!” It’s better to ask questions: “Have you noticed that you speak very loudly when you’re on the phone?” Asking the right questions steers the conversation while avoiding provocation. Conversely: Never react to such remarks with offense, but respond with questions as well: “What are you trying to tell me with that?”
Gossip
When there are disagreements, people often speak negatively about others behind their backs. Sure, the urge to badmouth difficult coworkers with like-minded people is only human. But be careful: Anyone who constantly complains about others comes across as unprofessional and unlikable—so it’s better to resist the temptation and, as a rule, not participate in gossip about others. Moreover, gossip doesn’t help defuse the situation. On the contrary: it hardens positions and disrupts the workplace atmosphere.
Change Your Attitude
You probably won’t be able to change the personalities of difficult coworkers, but you can work on yourself: Don’t take snide remarks at work personally. Your coworkers’ problems aren’t your own. Don’t let a coworker’s mood ruin your own life—after all, that pain in the neck isn’t a friend or family member.
Keep Your Distance
Sometimes conflicts can’t be resolved through conversation. In that case, the only thing that helps is distance. Employees should reduce contact with the colleague and try to ignore their behavior. This increases the chance that you’ll get less annoyed with the colleague and that the problem will take up less space in your life. If the nature of the work allows it, employees can ask their employer or supervisor if it’s possible to reduce direct collaboration. Even if you emotionally distance yourself, the colleagues involved still deserve to be treated with respect.
When must the employer intervene?
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If an employee regularly “poisons” the work atmosphere due to their behavior, they may face a written warning or even termination. If workplace harmony is disrupted by actions that undermine or significantly impair the peaceful cooperation of employees with one another and with the employer, and have adverse operational consequences—such as a disruption of workflow—termination for cause may be justified. However, the employee’s fundamental rights—in particular their freedom of expression—must not be disproportionately restricted.
- In cases of insults, disputes, or physical altercations, employers must first clarify the facts and mediate between the parties involved. This stems from the duty of care and a secondary obligation under the employment contract. If mediation attempts fail, termination for cause due to disruption of workplace harmony may be justified following a prior written warning.
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If the employee received a written warning prior to the termination for cause, the works council must be notified as part of the consultation procedure (Works Constitution Act, Section 102).
