First COVID-19, then war and inflation: The perceived ongoing crisis is wearing on many people’s nerves. Overall stress levels are high.
This has consequences for the way we talk to one another. The tone has become harsher. Misanthropic and undemocratic statements are heard more frequently.
A study released in February shows that nearly one in two people in Germany has been insulted online at least once. A quarter of those surveyed have even been subjected to physical violence. People with immigrant backgrounds and young women are particularly often targeted by hate.
But something can be done to counter the coarsening of public debate. Everyone can do their part. The Berlin-based organization “Kleiner Fünf” has compiled tips on how to strengthen democracy through dialogue—without becoming aggressive yourself.
Tip 1: Stay calm
You can often tell right away if the people you’re talking to are just looking for a fight: they get loud, short-tempered, and irrational. If that’s the case, don’t fuel the spiral of anger yourself. Instead, react in a deliberately calm manner. Don’t let yourself be provoked. Point out the facts. Ask objectively: “Do you really believe that?” A humorous remark can also help lighten the mood—and thus lay the groundwork for a reasonable conversation.
Tip 2: Ask for Clarification
People who are seething with anger often lash out with insults or unfair generalizations. If you don’t want to let something like that slide, you should probe further: “What exactly do you mean?” Or: “What exactly is bothering you?” It can also help to point out that the things mentioned have absolutely nothing to do with each other. This is how you can break down sweeping generalizations.
Tip 3: State reasons—and demand them
Claims aren’t a good foundation for a meaningful conversation. If people are just throwing prejudices or rumors at each other, they might as well skip the discussion altogether. So: Dig deeper and ask: “Where did you get your information?” “What reasons can you give for your opinion?” and “Are these reasons really valid and backed up by facts?” Of course, you must then apply this same standard to yourself—and clearly justify your own statements.
Tip 4: Choose Your Words Carefully
Word choice plays a major role in discussions. If someone makes sweeping generalizations that disparage entire segments of the population or professional groups (“All politicians are corrupt”), it poisons the situation and creates a hostile atmosphere for conversation. Not to mention that generalizations are rarely accurate and almost always unfair—because they hold many innocent people accountable for the mistakes of a few. When such words are used, it’s time to speak up. And: to defend people who are being unfairly attacked.
Tip 5: Act Instead of Reacting
Seek out conversation? Absolutely! Be open to listening to concerns and needs? Definitely! But if the other person is just ranting and swearing, won’t respond to questions, or isn’t listening at all, then it’s better to actively end the conversation. That, too, sends a message: “We can’t talk to each other on this basis. Think about how your hatred affects others.”
Toxic Patterns
The conversation tips mentioned above are particularly effective against right-wing populist conversation patterns, which are widespread. These patterns or strategies are primarily designed to distract, confuse, and spread false claims.
Typical examples of such conversation patterns include:
This English term refers to when someone tries to divert attention from an uncomfortable topic by bringing up a new one. Along the lines of: “Yes, but what about…?!?”
Example: Person A and Person B are discussing acts of violence against asylum seekers. Person B says, “Yes, but what about acts of violence by the far left?” The objection is intended to shift the conversation from an unwelcome topic to a desired one.
Appropriate response: Point out that the two issues are unrelated and stick to the original topic.
- Falsely Claiming Majorities
Right-wing populists often claim to speak in the name of “the people” or “the silent majority.” They don’t specify exactly who they mean by that. Here’s what helps: Ask for clarification and correct them. Right-wing populists exclude many people. So they can hardly represent the entire “people.” They certainly do not represent the “majority”: In no election in Germany have they ever received even close to 50 percent of the vote.
“I just read that online the other day”—this is how many people back up their anti-democratic statements. You shouldn’t let yourself be swayed by such so-called “facts.” Possible response: Press for more details, ask for sources, and challenge their claims.
Note: The tips and strategies described here come from the organization “Kleiner Fünf/Tadel verpflichtet! e.V.” The organization’s website offers further information and a role-playing exercise to help practice handling difficult conversation scenarios.
